He placed one hand on his shoulder as the other reached up to grasp the nape of his neck and pull their heads together. It took no effort at all to stop him and turn him around, the vulcan was limp with shock. He brush Uhura out of his path as he all but stumbled into the man. Kirk managed to grab him just as Spock reached the door. He had to make sure Spock knew how sorry he was. He had to get to the vulcan before he left the bridge. Something inside him winced in agony at the thought of Spock hating him. He had done that to him, wounded the best friend he would ever have and if Spock hadn't hated him before, he most certainly would now. He vaguely heard Spock quietly relinquish his command as acting captain and admit to being emotionally compromised. He sucked in painful glorious lungfuls of air as Spock stumbled away from him and realized the relief of no longer having to maintain eye contact was every bit as real as that of being able to breath again. He had a brief second of panic as he wondered about just how much was Spock getting from him when the man pulled away, stunned.
Guilt and fresh grief flooded through him and his conscience squirmed with self -loathing at the truly horrible things he had said. He had put that look of horror on his T'hy'la. There was too much that Spock might see or feel, but he couldn't help it initially as the shock, horror, grief and disbelief flew across his should-be-friend's face. He knew it was probably stupid not to break eye contact. Long seconds passed and neither of them looked away. I grieve with thee, please Spock, I can't breath!įocus suddenly came back into the dark eyes above him and the grip around his throat immediately gentled. He repeated the phrase over and over as he struggled against the hand still frozen tightly around his throat. The older Ambassador'd had way too many occasions to use that phrase and for some reason his oxygen deprived brain decided that was the best thought to hang onto. Okay, maybe not as safe a train of thought as he would like.
Grief that this was the first time he had seen his T'hy'la in over half a century and it would be the last. Grief at Vulcan's unjust and intentional destruction. Grief that he had not made it to Romulus in time to save it. The first and most overwhelming aspect of the mind meld had been the other man's grief. oh, shit.Ĭan't think about older him, SHOULDN'T think about how hot he looks pissed off or how much I could love him back. Hand clamped tightly around his throat, pressure consistent but not increasing. He struggled to focus on the man pinning him down and it slowly sunk in that he was frozen. Vulcans were so much stronger than humans and Spock should have finished him off ages ago, easily. It suddenly occurred to him to wonder why he wasn't already dead though. How odd that he should be dissecting it all now, while spots danced across his vision, as the world darkened. Not that he'd even hinted at anything romantic, but there had been a distinct lack of time to contemplate everything imparted in the mind meld. Not that the older Spock had done or said anything inappropriate. Older ambassador Spock had definitely found Kirk being kicked off the ship and marooned by his younger self amusing enough, but more than that he had felt that in the hour of his deepest despair the universe had forgiven him and conspired to gift his T'hy'la back to him because he needed him.Īnd yeah. That deep well of loss, softened and surrounded by the strength imparted by Kirk's mere presence. How could he not with the love and affection that had run like a river under the current of almost overwhelming grief through the mind meld? Now that was what had gotten him into trouble and clouded his judgement, those damn feelings. and Kirk had believed him, mostly anyway. The older ambassador Spock had readily agreed the plan was likely to get the snot beat out of Kirk, but he had insisted that his younger self would not kill him. Too bad pre-delivered 'I told you so's were not nearly as satisfying when you were being choked to death by the man who was supposed to become your best friend. He had even told the older ambassador version of the man before him exactly that.
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